Journey With Me
Laughter
Sometimes I wonder, will I ever laugh again? Will I ever feel that all encompassing joy and lightness of being more than just ok? We all have our ugly sides, the angry, the bitter, the jealous. In my case, all those feelings get stimulated by pain and past trauma. I’m not a bad person, but…
It’s Almost Been A Year
And also nearly ten. On April 14th, 2012 my husband and I said our second set of ‘I do’s’ – second because three years prior we sort of eloped after knowing each other for only four months. Both times, we meant it, both times, the way he looked at me was honest and loving. And…
The Big O
No, not that one (I wish!)… I want to write a little bit about Olanzapine. The big O that saved, but also dominated my psychology for a solid five months. In case you’ve not read my blog, about six months ago I experienced mania and psychosis because of the stress and pressure I was putting…
Morning Blues
It’s the middle of January, the northeast – where I live – is cold, dreary, and depressing. Getting out of bed in the morning has been proving increasingly more difficult as the world goes into a mini COVID lockdown yet again. I am not sure if it is the weather, the lockdown, the lack of…
A New Beginning
It’s been a while since I decided to sit down and write something. Home has been blissfully quiet and calm. Calm. The operative word and the one that has kept me in something much better than the limbo we were in for several months. There is a lot more clarity now in our path -…
Momentum
It’s been quiet at home. My husband went to visit family last week and the lack of turbulent emotion brought a peace that both scared and surprised me. In the past, his absence was so loud, the lack of his body in bed with me made me sad and listless – this time around -…
Wake Up
It’s been around five weeks since my manic episode. The glorious dopamine reserves that flooded my mind and made me feel like a god are now officially clearing up – rebalancing. I lost myself, I found another version that was completely free… at my most manic, I was impossible, but when the mania had just…
Will We Go Mad In Wonderland?
I already have. Let me take you back a week, to the day I realized that blogging about my life needs to be a little more raw, a little less polished, and a little more… imperfect. “This sounds like a personal statement.” he says, sitting across from me in our dimly lit living room. We…
You Can Call Me Alice…
… but we both know that that is not my real name. I was walking home today pondering my role in this MoM. It’s so simple, really, but also so complex. It is simple because if you don’t know us, he and I, look ‘normal’ [heterosexual]. It is complex because if you do know us,…
A Letter To His Ex Lover
Four months ago my husband [he/him/his] broke my heart by cheating on me a second time. Four weeks ago I spiraled out into mania and believed I was close to being a god who can read minds. Four days ago I wrote a [text message] letter to my husband’s ex-lover and it went something like…
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Off The Beaten Path 